There are lots of different kinds of writers. You've got your copywriters, content writers, social media writers, authors, screenwriters, comedy writers, bloggers, essayists, poets...
…SEO copywriters, ahem...
...but have you ever wondered which flavour of writer you might be? Wonder no more.
Vanilla: Plain. Safe. Everyone's okay with it, but you rarely hear people rave.
Vanilla writers aren't exactly boring, they just rarely write outside of their comfort zone. They've found a formula that works, and they stick to it.
Chocolate: Popular. Mixes well with other flavours. Can be quite rich.
The chocowriter entices you with things you like. Underneath their smooth, glossy exterior, you might find something unusual – like popping candy or marshmallows. Or just nuts.
Banana: Cheap and cheerful. Easy to break down a bunch into individuals... and to cut one up.
Why are bananas so popular? Because they don't cost very much and they'll work with practically anything. End of story. Don’t be a banana.
Garlic: Leaves a lasting impression. Wards off bloodsuckers.
Tricksy clients know better than to approach you, garlic features. Why? Because they've heard that you don't mess about, especially when it comes to invoicing. And they've seen your work – they can't afford you.
Avocado: Flavour of the week, praised far and wide.
Sorry, but as an avocado-flavoured writer you may well be just a flash in the frying pan. Like the Atkins diet, or the Crazy Frog. Hold onto that coveted industry award as tightly as you can.
Liquorice: Something of an acquired taste.
You're pretty versatile (good at 'all sorts' of things, hahahaha), but not everyone's a fan of your approach. The ones who do get you tend to be loyal.
Blueberry: Mostly sweet, little bit sharp sometimes.
Our fruity blueberry writers like to put zing into their copy. Usually by putting their claws into an unsuspecting victim. The middle is typically the juiciest bit, squishing with all your ascerbic wit.
Carrot: According to persistent rumours, helps people see in the dark.
As the writer with the fresh scent of carrot will know very well, there are few things more crucial to success than positive word-of-mouth. Your reputation precedes you by at least four miles.
Marmite: Divisive. Everyone's got an opinion, and they often wildly differ.
Your work is generally either adored or reviled. There's no middle ground when it comes to Marmite-y writers. But above all else, you're memorable. At least there's that.
Chicken: Impersonated by many, but nothing compares to the original.
Ever heard someone say, “Hey, this tastes just like chicken!” Chicken-flavoured writers have been imitated so frequently that you can only tell the difference if you look real closely. See, that one's a shark.
Coffee: Well-known and liked by creatives. Tendency to be on the strong side.
The writer with a noticeable flavour of coffee tends to get a lot of attention from their peers. We drink in their deep, dark aura and the sense of energy that they give out. And that interaction's sort of addictive.
Durian: Looks suspect and has a bit of a whiff about it, but ultimately isn't that bad.
If your writer flavour is durian, you probably need to update your website. It's likely to be doing you a massive disservice. From the sight of it alone, durian is not something you'd try willingly, but when you do give it a go it’s perfectly fine.
Did you find your flavour? Did I miss yours out? Rant at me on Twitter @koisurukady.